Touch
by YumKiwiDelicious
Summary: The realization struck him like a slap to the face and he yanked away from her, mind and body. She frowned, her damp brow puckered as she moved to take his hand. He could read her thoughts; the confusion, the restlessness, the unprecedented ache, and the underlying thought that if she could just touch her Force Mate she would feel better. He pulled his hand out of reach.


Reyna's presence at the new Jedi Academy was a blessing and a curse for Ben Solo.

A blessing since in her shining presence he could feel the ever flaring anger within him silenced, his growling beast of a temper tamed by the doe eyed girl. No matter how frustrated he became with his aloof uncle, or how many times Phasma bested him in combat, Rey's tiny hand in his always managed to sooth all trouble from his mind. Even if she could not be reached directly because of her own training, their bond would overflow with happy thoughts as soon as she felt the older boy in distress. It got to the point where he kept an open link between them always, feelings and thoughts intertwining like one so that he always knew where to find the girl when he needed her. And it was a need he felt.

Their strong connection was the same reason why her arrival also reeked of a curse on him and everyone in his range. For as mild as he became in her presence, in her absence his lesser traits multiplied tenfold making him a fearful sight to behold when his Force Mate was not at his side or within his mind's reach. These were rare days, but they were dark ones and everyone knew to steer clear of both Padawans when they arrived.

Luke Skywalker was the first to notice that the drop in social prowess went both ways, noting how Rey would become difficult and borderline aggressive when Ben was out of eyesight for long periods of time. Worse, however, was when they were in the same vicinity and one would start throwing a tantrum the other could not help but get swept up in, the emotions flying out only to be reflected off of his or her own mind back at his or her own mind causing everything to fly out of hand before anyone could attempt to calm them.

Yes, they're shared psyches were a blessing and a curse and young Ben Solo, after arguing this tirelessly with his uncle and master, finally accepted this and did his best to build at least partial barriers between them. He didn't particularly enjoy the random burst of childish energy and wonder he felt throughout the day, nor the lonely moments that came at night when his Force Mate would wonder when her parents were coming back and be reduced to tears. In those moments he'd send his own thoughts of comfort and affection into her mind until she was lulled to sleep.

She had of course known immediately that he was the one doing this and made it a point every morning to greet him with an overly enthusiastic hug and attempted kiss to his face. He never allowed it, cheeks heating up whenever Hux and Phasma would snicker behind his back at the exchange. Unphased, Rey would be sure to thank him for helping her sleep and go into excruciating detail of what she had dreamed about as if she had not felt Ben within her mind all night, seeing everything she saw as if he had dreamed it himself.

Ben was pleased with the minimal amount of separation the two Padawans experienced. He liked feeling close to Rey, but felt they still had enough privacy for whatever two children of five and fourteen may need it for. Allowing their minds to mingle freely during the night did not seem an issue in the least until one night as he let his body, exhausted from a day of training, flop down into his cot in his room.

He was panting lowly, a sheen of sweat present underneath his robes that made the breeze rolling in from his window feel even more frigid. He was one of the few Padawans allowed a room to himself and so he did not have to worry about modesty as he stripped down to his underwear, limbs responding slowly to his commands as he found his back again and let his hands rest low over his stomach just beneath his navel. He was feeling sluggish and would have enjoyed nodding off immediately, but at the edge of his mind was the hyper flashes of Rey's conscious which was wide awake and not at all sleepy which meant without intervention Ben would not be able to rest.

It had happened before, early after her arrival, but Ben could honestly say he had never felt so tired since she'd come to the academy. He tried to put up walls and block out her presence, but every barrier was met with a new burst of reinforced linkage, Rey apparently making a game of withdrawing and bounding back into his mind's eye. It thrilled and frustrated him all at once, his exhaustion peaking every time he attempted to keep her out. She eventually seemed to grow tired of this game, her essence retreating back until it was no more than a tickle at the back of his mind. A caress.

Feeling as alone as he knew was possible and still hoping for something to drop him out of consciousness, an idea suddenly came unbidden to the young Padawan's mind. He gulped, just the thought of it making it feel as if his nerves were on end as he reached out with the Force to insure no one was on route looking for him. With Rey's presence just a distant blip in the Force, Ben let his fingers twitched over his lower belly.

At fourteen it was obvious Ben Solo had discovered the types of desires his uncle had hoped to keep him and all future Jedi's from stumbling upon. Sex was something the boy had thought about often in abstracts and open ended questions. He had an idea of the basic mechanics from his parents, but the feeling he felt grow in his belly whenever it came to mind was not something he could justify as a want to simply engage in the basics. When his fingers itched across the waistband of his underwear as they were currently doing, he thought of so much more.

He thought of bodies flush against one another and kissing and touching and just more. His pulse was jumping, muscles in his neck flexing, before he could even think about things like nakedness and falling into a rumpled bed together with someone. For as curious as he was about intercourse the details of the fantasy that made him slip hand beneath fabric was the closeness he imagined came with it. To be so close to someone as to want to engage in sexual intercourse was something beyond what his feverish brain could comprehend. To want to hold someone to you, mouth open on their skin, and let them caress you softly knowing that they wanted to was what made Ben gasp as his hand finally closed in a fist around his yet untouched, but still incredibly hard member.

The knock on his door ripped him out of his own mind so violently that he jumped, nearly falling from his cot as he moved to stand. His whole body was flush with want and embarrassment wondering how he had managed to get so absorbed in his fantasy that he had not sensed someone approaching his room. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his mind for a split second of meditation in the hopes of cooling his form, but his visitor knocked again, more insistent this time.

He growled under his breath, managing to trip into some pants, shame tucked away as he approached the door. He could already sense who was on the other side and felt his blush spreading down his entire chest as he pulled the door open, eyes cast to the ground.

"Ben," Rey's usually light voice was heavy, causing him to look up at her, "I don't feel good."

And she didn't look good either. Her usually fare skin was flushed, a light sheen of sweat apparent on her forehead making her wisps of hair stick there. Her muscles jumped and twitched as if out of her control and Ben felt a spike of panic flair up that he tried to tamp down before it could reach her, not wanting to scare the little girl. He was prepared to reach out and take her up into his arms when he noticed the way her body stumbled. He frowned at her, about to ask what exactly was causing her ailment, when it happened again and he saw that it was because she was pressing her legs together, shifting them back and forth as if she had to go to the bathroom.

The realisation struck him like a slap to the face and he yanked away from her, mind and body. She frowned, her damp brow puckered as she moved to take his hand. He could read her thoughts; the confusion, the restlessness, the unprecedented ache, and the underlying thought that if she could just touch her Force Mate she would feel better. He pulled his hand out of reach.

"Don't!" the boy breathed, panic rising in his chest as he felt her trying to draw him closer using the Force. "Don't touch me!"

"Why not?" Rey questioned, stumbling forward.

"Don't move!" he barked, holding his hand out as if to ward her off. She froze just inside his threshold and he skirted around her, careful not to touch any part of her. "Just don't move!"

Falling into the hallway, he ran from his own room en route to where he knew his uncle slept.

* * *

"It's alright, Ben," Luke Skywalker tried to soothe his young student in the dim light of his personal chambers. Ben Solo was sat on the edge of his uncle's bed, head in hands as he tried to hold back sobs. "These things happen."

"She's five!" he spat for what felt like that hundredth time since he'd arrived. His first words when his uncle had finally answered the door to his frantic pounding had been a loud declaration of his Force Mate's age as if the older man was not already aware. "She's five, Uncle Luke, and I just-"

"Lost control," Luke supplied, hand firm on his nephew's shoulder as he tried to stir the boy from the dredges of misery he could feel him sinking into. Since youth he'd known his sister's son was what could be described as overly emotional and therefore open to the temptations of the Dark Side if he was left to dwell in feelings of fear and shame as he was now. "You just need to learn to keep your mind separate from Reyna's and to not give into temptations."

"It's too hard!" At the look on his master's face, Ben flushed and made to correct himself. "Not abstaining from...that," he murmured, "Keeping my mind away from Rey's. It's too hard. It's like she's always there."

"Such is the function of a Force Mate."

The Padawan felt the usual flare of irritation at the mention of Force Mates from his master since the man never felt inclined to elaborate on what they meant or their purpose to a Jedi Knight. For better or worse though Reyna was his and he could feel fear coiling in his gut at the thought of how what he had just done had tainted her young mind. He felt sick just thinking about it. He didn't know how he'd ever face those big eyes ever again.

"Fear not, Ben," Luke sympathized, moving his hand to card through the boy's unruly locks, "Reyna likely won't recall this in time, and will learn to intrude less in your mind once you start putting up more solid walls." The thought didn't appeal to Ben but he nodded none the less. "Take tomorrow to meditate. Your training can wait and the time away from Reyna may do your heart some good."

Ben's mind screamed in protest, his essence winding itself even more firmly with Rey's, bad mood for the next day already setting in. He wondered sometimes if Master Luke even knew what he was talking about when it came to Force Mates, but knew more than to argue with him over it. Instead he just let the man's words wash over him, some going completely unheard and none truly comforting, until he was dismissed.

The walk back to his room barechested and with shoeless feet smacking the ground left him open for contemplation. He rolled over the few of Luke's words that he'd actually heard and after thorough contemplation of each decided they were useless lies. There was no way tonight's experience would not have scarred Rey's mind, especially if she got flashes of images Ben had imagined as she often did when he dreamed or let his mind wonder. He knew it was possible and the thought of the young girl seeing how he had pictured the intimacies meant for people far beyond her age made the ache in his chest grow wider.

As he approached his room he noticed with no particular bit of annoyance that he'd left his door open in his rush to seek out his master's advice. Turning the corner into it he jumped, walls going up around his mind as he saw the object of his self flagellation standing exactly where he had left her. For the second time that night he wondered how he kept failing to notice his Force Mate's proximity before he realised Rey had not turned to greet him. Skirting around her as cautiously as he had earlier, he came to stand before her and realized she was asleep standing up.

"Rey?"

No answer came but a light snore and as he finally opened his mind to her once more he saw that she was dreaming and had been for a while, her body finally cooled from the fever he had started in them both. Her dreams were snatches of moments they spent together, laughing and training, the first time they met, and small girlish fantasies that were to be expected; Rey as a full fledged Jedi Knight with Ben beside her, both with flaring green light sabers. He withdrew from her mind, her presence in the Force humming lightly with an exhaustion that he wished had been present earlier in the night.

He realized suddenly he had unintentionally used a Jedi mind trick on the girl when he told her not to move before departing. He was a bit impressed it would hold her so fast that she could fall asleep standing up, but decided not to dwell on it, not wanting to leave her in discomfort any longer. With a flick of his wrist her body was released like a loose marionette and he rushed to catch her, picking her body up bridal style as she instantly wiggled to get comfortable, turning her face into her chest. His bare skin flushed again and he was quick to step over and set her down on his bed, backing away once he knew she wouldn't roll off.

His hands brushed down the front of his body as if he could wipe the girl off of him. Her presence in the Force was warm and content and reached for his unknowingly as it always had and it made his skin crawl with shame. They'd shared his bed before, the girl usually curling right into his side, but now it felt forbidden to let their skin touch. So, carefully, he moved to the cot and grabbed the edge of his blanket. Folding it over Rey's body, he turned the girl over and over until she was wrapped like a travel blanket and pressed against the wall. She didn't stir and feeling confidant she wouldn't he finally climbed into his bed, body stiff and lain flat on his back, shoulder keeping the girl propped with her back to him.

As Rey's Force started to draw his down into sleep as well, he let tears of shame and fear track down his face silently.

Snoke spoke to his mind for the first time that night.


End file.
